Ten things I would NEVER say as your massage therapist:

Strangers, friends, and clients always come up with random things they worry their massage therapist is thinking.

Some of these are valid concerns people have hinted about.  Others are just my own random non-thoughts.

1. I really wish you would have shaved today.

   If I had a buck for every time someone brings up shaving ~ some people apologize for forgetting, others let me know they remembered ~ I would have a pretty awesome vacation fund.  Maybe not Italy awesome, but a good trip to Disney World at least!

2. You just farted on me… Oh. My. Gosh. How rude.

   Gas happens.  Massage has a way of letting things relax, move, and release.  No biggie.  I realize it is a job hazard, and I'm not a 12 year old boy that will squeel about farts.

3. Please stop snoring.

   If you want to fall asleep during your massage, go for it.  The worst that can happen is that you will wake yourself up if the snores become too loud.

4. Wow, your stomach is really rumbling.  You must be starving.

   Just like flatulence, massage stimulates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is also known as "rest and digest".  You are relaxing.  That's cool.

5. Your butt is so big.

   Many people are worried that they may be too fat for a massage.  I promise you that every single body is different, and massage therapists don't pay attention or judge.  The thought never crossed my mind.

6. We should go out on a date.

   Just not going to happen.  

7. You must get naked for your massage.

   Not a requirement.  At all. We have a draping policy and you are more than welcome to wear as many layers as you need to remain comfortable. Here's more information to read about what to wear during your massage.

8. I’m so glad all my laundry is done!

   As a massage therapist it feels like my laundry is never done.   EVER.  If I don't have sheets to wash, dry, or fold I would be concerned the rapture was indeed upon us.

9. Please limit your drooling.

   Yes, some people drool.  It's a compliment.

10. You don’t need a massage.

    I think every single person can benefit from a massage.  Although sometimes a few modifications may need to be made.  If you have a fever it may need to be put off.  For the most part though, massage benefits everyone.

Is there anything that you wonder if your massage therapist thinks about?  Or if you are a massage therapist, what would you add to the list?